When a relationship forms, the union of two different energies that have never before existed come together. Vast experience and learning happens in this journey, ways of communication are explored and the results of this communication are experienced and felt, our paths may seem to take a different course.
There are many levels of communication.
When you feel something and do not express it to your partner, they feel it anyway. When you speak your truth, this gives your partner the opportunity to understand and you can learn your partner’s perspective. Communication happens without words as much as with words. Take interest in your partner and ask questions, be truly inquisitive as opposed to ignoring or accusing (as you do this what is your body language saying as you speak to your partner and what tone do you use?). Separate what you assume are facts and those that might not be and clarify.
The most powerful place to begin the journey of awareness in relationships is from within. The ability to recognise and assure that your emotional state and energies produce the experience you desire. If this is not the case, I can show you how to empower yourself to change this.
More and more people are waking up to the fact that we are similar to human transmission towers and the focus and energy we create internally is sent out is amplified and returns, this awareness is very empowering. We tend to get what we focus on. It is good practice to notice what you are focussed on so you can realise what you are producing, you can then make a choice whether to do more of the same. If what you are doing is not working – do something else whilst remaining true to yourself.
To add richness to your relationships, understanding the psychology of yourself and your partner are key to creating loving dynamics together.
Further to this, we know that we have 5 senses; we can see things (visual), hear things (auditory), feel things (kinaesthetic), smell things (olfactory) and taste things (gustatory). Yes? Neuro Linguistic Programming has simply named these senses our Representational Systems, these help us to make sense of the world as our senses code our memories and govern our capabilities and beliefs. We usually use 2 representational systems slightly more than the others, e.g. You could be primarily ‘visual’ (imagine in pictures) and you maybe secondary ‘kinaesthetic’ (you get a feeling about things, may need to touch). What I am leading you to with this is that your understanding of your internal world leads to the realisation that you can change it, as what we hold within becomes our experience and is most definitely felt by those around us. When you can identify which representational systems your partner uses predominantly, you can learn ways to reach them emotionally on a level they feel appreciated and cared for, you can lead the way and they might even want to choose to take more of an interest in you too. How you code these representational system is what we call submodalities, coaching around submodalities is very enlightening. To learn the ability to change the way we feel depends upon our ability to change our submodalities.
Interestingly expanding on the representational systems, my studies in Energy Medicine highlight four sensory system stress modes which have interpersonal perils in each of the styles, that once understood can lead to greater understanding and empathy for your partner and yourself, I’ve discovered this to be true. The detail and the real learning is discovered in the experience. This knowledge is empowering for individuals and satisfying for me and I find that I’m facilitating positive change with connection more and more for individuals remaining in and strengthening their relationships, and also those embracing change as they make their transition and move out of a relationship.
You cannot change anybody except yourself and you can influence with integrity. The most empowering relationships will start with you. Are you building loving understanding and connections in your relationships?
As Carrie Bradshaw in ‘Sex and the City’ quoted;
“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you – you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”
